Tops

TOPS was created from the desire to display transmasculine vulnerability. My experience with top surgery, with its many stages of tenderness, holds the urgency, trauma, and grief it took to become myself. TOPS is a short film expanding into a photography book of images captured before, during and after filming. Zaire says, “I wouldn’t have been able to get this surgery without community.” The aftermath illuminated the gift of community, as well as the potential dangers for those who do not have it. Although everyone’s experiences are not alike, romanticizing the healing process was a part of recovery. The recurring presence of scarring holds the weight of not just physical change, but emotional and communal healing. Many of those featured in TOPS refer to the commitment of their caregivers devoting time to their wellbeing, granting them the access to a greater depth of resilience many hadn’t accessed before. Zaire and Blaize sit across one another in a shared vulnerability, while Zaire applies gel to Blaize’s surgical scars, revealing the act of communal strength in connection and familiarity. The documentation of TOPS serves as a righteous act to maintain the scarce legacy and commitment to the archival of transgender identities.